i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
