oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
