If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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