Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize