i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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