Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Enjoy the penises
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
