my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
