Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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