Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
