I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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