I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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