he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
