I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
