He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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