didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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