NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
