Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
There's always time for handjobs
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
