I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Boobs are out for the taking
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
