we have pet lesbian snakes
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
