He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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