did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I need a burrito and a hug.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Randomize
