We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
And then my night got REAL pukey
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
