I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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