I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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