did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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