I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
