Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
