Moan for me like Helen Keller
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
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