whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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