i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
