I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
