and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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