so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
