Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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