i don't like sucking hair
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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