i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
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