ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
