I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
