how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
