bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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