Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
