Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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