i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
