so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
