God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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