In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
