2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
