dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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