Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Operation Purity has been aborted
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
