I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
