Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
