so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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