you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize