I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
