I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
