Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize