So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
