Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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