Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize