I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
