he looks like a really good dad on facebook
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
